by Telly Gonzaga-Ocampo
Moving on with our Children and our Dogs
That graphical depiction of grief was sent in by Ethyl’s friend and shared with us. Estela (and Ethyl to us) is our eldest child, followed by Ian, and Irene. These three are Roger and my treasures. They grew up as upright citizens and family-oriented individuals. And most of all, they find the kitchen as the hearth of the home.
In our set up of the family, Roger did the pampering and to impose discipline was (and still is) my domain. This might have been because Roger’s work is not the 8 to 5 thing. It was governed by estimated time of arrival (eta) trouble shooting. This was at the height of copra export and the trade with Russia at the time when Russia experienced a long winter. That was then the USSR (United Soviet Socialist Republic) at that time, and Granexport was still a subsidiary of Cargill and not yet the Unicom of the martial years. Though workload was heavy for Granexport employees, they were properly compensated. There were no sipsip, and the merit system was in place. I could not remember my husband carrying the bags of his bosses when they arrived visiting the branches. They were on the name to name basis.
Roger my husband left us on the 5th of November this year. Though we knew we will lose him before Christmas, it was unexpected losing him in early November.
Christmas is the time of the year when we are all together: the families of Ethyl, Ian and Irene. The tradition was interrupted by Covid. And we were planning a bigger and grander Christmas in 2021 to compensate the Christmas of 2020 that we missed.
Indeed, covid has consumed all of us. If we feel something wrong, Covid comes to mind. Looking back, Roger’s health started to decline after we received our first dose of the vaccine which was sometime in May. On June 6, he had a mild ischemic attack. On june 23 we had our 2nd dose of the vaccine. We just thought that his worsening condition was a normal reaction to the vaccine forgetting that he had stage 3 cancer 8 yrs back without chemo. We simply chose alternative medicine and he was cancer free when his colon was reconnected two years after the surgery in 2013.
One good thing with cancer is you are given the time to prepare. For your leaving and for the loved ones you will leave behind.
When he left us, all the children and our grandchildren were here. Despite his leaving, we spent Christmas in November to celebrate his life – joyous times sprinkled with tears. It was our 52nd Christmas together.
Having friends and relatives coming over for the 9th day Novena helped lessen the grief. After the 9th day prayer, there’s the 40th day to look forward to. The daily visit and the lighting the candles at night by my son, lighten the grief. Now i fully know the beauty and the meaning of our religious traditions.
My two dogs Wewee and Mayang seem to miss Roger, too. They would not leave my side. Mayang was sleeping with me for a while until I found out that her hair gives me allergy. Every move I make, they are there.
Though I’m already in the sunset years of my life, I must continue living for my children and grandchildren and continue dreaming for them.