THE PSYCHOLOGY OF AN APOLOGY
by Donald Sevilla
People say sorry for a variety of reasons:
1.We apologize to express remorse for something we have done to make another feel bad or hurt. A genuine and sincere apology most likely falls into this category.
2.We apologize to avoid the consequences of our actions to escape punishment and accountability.
3. We apologize to reach a compromise for a situation we got ourselves into whether deliberate or not and being pressured to do so.
Whatever our reason for doing it, it is quite clear that somehow we have done something not right and we want to get ourselves out of this embarassment or fiasco.
” First and foremost, people who are sorry for their actions will offer an apology. Sincere apologies generally come quickly and without prompting or pressure. They are not offered to avoid consequences. They are the result of someone truly recognizing the error of their ways and wanting to make amends. “
” By apologizing we re-establish dignity for those we have hurt: Letting the injured party know that we know it was our fault, not theirs, helps them feel better, and it helps them save face. Apologizing helps repair relationships; By getting people talking again, an apology makes them feel comfortable with each other again.”
But does apologizing offer an admission of guilt? It appears to do so for why apologize if you feel you haven’t done anything wrong in the first place?
Yet people tend to be more considerate of those that do apologize as it is seen in a positive light. We appreciate those owning up to their actions.
However with a narcissist, things remain to be seen. While sincerity or making good on your word is key to a genuine apology, we may not find this in a narcissistic person.
It is easy to say I’m sorry for fear of punishment for one’s actions. But it is never easy for one who gets used to having his way and getting away with it. Unless there is something of consequence and pressure that can be applied, ” sticks and stones may break my bones.”
Oops! My bad!